(*See Definitions at end of post)

This piece is dedicated to my beloved parents, J. R. Jones, Jr. 9/23/25-1/15/18 and Bobbie J. Jones 5/9/26-2/21/18

Yes…. you read that correctly. While it is devastating to bury a parent, it is emotionally crushing to lose both within 5 weeks of each other. Up until a week ago, I filled my life with the distraction of household repairs & maintenance. The problem with distractions??…. they always come to a point of completion. Numbing out via food, alcohol, etc. would certainly not heal the ragged, gaping hole in my heart.

Time to put on my big girl panties and turn to face the pain. All I wanted to do was go lie down on their graves and join them. O.K., this was beyond grief…. So what was it?

Hopelessness….. hopelessness at what? As the excavation continued, clarity began to come into focus.

We, my parents & I, communicated…. Completely communicated. We could talk to each other about ANYTHING. There was no judgment, no controlling, only loving acceptance. It was safe to laugh, cry, be angry, show frustration, make mistakes, share dreams & desires, share victories….. it was safe to just be ourselves, warts and all, to be who we were in that moment.

Gone…. All gone was the world the three of us shared. It was a world built on collaboration*, on sharing, exchanging information, discussions, total support. We were willing to make changes to plan A when it started going south and even ditch it entirely to give plan B a try.

And there it was…. The jewel, the belief, assumption, definition at the core of my despair. I could not, would not, go back to living only in a world ruled through control*. I had tasted the freedom of living life based on collaboration. Somehow, I had the belief that the collaborative world we had shared died and was buried with them. I could change that belief. I could CHOOSE to continue to live that life, a life based on collaboration instead of control.

No one is forcing me to live where conversations showing the slightest hint of anger or upset are abruptly terminated…… I was choosing to allow that. I don’t have to continue interacting with those that cut me off mid-sentence as a means to force their own agenda and beliefs…… I was choosing to allow that. There is no point sharing my energy with those that listen only as a means to form their rebuttal, those giving me a “cold shoulder” when I’m not conforming to their expectations…. Being marginalized, disrespected, and unappreciated. I, me, myself…. I can make different choices!

I was actually told that if I ever wanted to see _________ again I would have to accept this person’s version of how they viewed things, of how they viewed ME and agree to do exactly as they say. So let’s add emotional blackmail to the list.

Well, well, well….. here we are again, right back to why this website went online a year ago:
• Old paradigm vs. new paradigm
• Living via fear/control vs. love/collaboration
• Expecting others to conform to how a particular reality is experienced vs. respecting the fact that we each have our own separate experience with whatever/whoever we are interacting with.
• Embracing someone else’s version of who I am vs. the freedom that comes only with being true to yourself. To quote Andrew Martin, “Only YOU know what truth feels like for you.”

We are each master creators creating our own reality through choices. Usually we create from a place of unconsciousness, but nevertheless, we are the one’s responsible for the experiences stemming from our choices. We can create from past wounds, interact with people based on old, obsolete versions of themselves/ourselves OR we can create from conscious choices based in the NOW. We can have the courage to step into the unknown as we forgive and release all that “was”.

Time to choose, time to take action, time to pick myself up off the graveyard dirt and consciously create from empowered, loving intentions. So here goes. I intend to: Live the truth of who I am for all the world to see

* Respect the “reality” of others even when mine is different
* Always be kind even in the face of others being unkind
* Communicate my truth in the most loving, respectful way possible even when my words may be tinged with hurt, anger, frustration or trigger such reactions in others
* Listen and understand other’s points of view even when they differ greatly from mine
* Gain information, new perspectives by listening intently, especially when those perspectives are the polar opposite of mine
* Accept & honor another’s point of view without trying to change it to conform to mine
* Emotionally let go of those who choose to walk out of my life
* Appreciate and love myself for the quirky person that I am
* See the spark of Divine Purity in the eyes of all I encounter
* Be defined by who I am now instead of living under past shadows
* Politely say “no thank you” to those trying & vying for control
* Never succumb to emotional blackmail

Most importantly of all:

  • I intend to honor my parents, to honor my father and my mother by carrying the torch, the blazing flame of collaboration into a world shrouded in the illusion and darkness of control based living.

It is only when we stop trusting ourselves and look to that which is “out there”, “outside of us”, for validation, purpose, connection and approval that control rather than collaboration is the paradigm experienced.

*DEFINITIONS:

Commune: To be in a state of intimate, heightened sensitivity and receptivity; to receive; to talk or converse intimately, exchange of thoughts

Communication: The exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, transmission of information; an act of joining or connecting

Collaborate: To work together, team up or join forces on a common enterprise or project; to cooperate in a joint intellectual effort; to participate

Control: To restrain, regulate, domineer; prevent or limit movement; arbitrarily or arrogantly rule over; tyrannize; hold back; prevent one from doing something or acting in a certain way

 

TIPS FOR LUCID LIVING

We are Consciousness having an embodied experience in order to LEARN.

What we call senses are actually an extension of Consciousness into a physical body. It is through our senses that thoughts and perceptions bring about experiences leading to expansions of awareness and ultimately, expansions of Consciousness itself.

This means we are going to mess things up…. At times we are going to downright f**k things up! It is just how this existence is structured. We learn what works via the process of eliminating what does not work. There is no escaping the resulting creations we make from unconscious unawareness. Ultimately these are the cause of difficult and terrible situations, craziness, and deluges of pain, frustration, grief and anger.

We either learn and become willing to explore different choices, or continue to suffer the painful, difficult consequences. At the core, we are learning more about ourselves from different perspectives. The goal of this process is to gain the understanding of heart centered, self-empowered choices as well as how to choose them.

Just begin to notice how often thoughts are about changing “out-there”, how another person or particular circumstance is to blame for what is not preferred hanging out in our lives. It will stun and amaze as well as baffle the mind.

It has been asked, “How did humanity get to this point of sheer unsustainability?” Answer: by everyone trying to control everyone & everything around them in an attempt to force life to conform to their individual expectations.

Expectations….. ditch them!!!

YOU CAN NEVER CONTROL ANYONE OR ANYTHING OTHER THAN YOURSELF!

Use life, let it flow through you, feel the feelings….. YES…. ALL OF THEM. Emotions, feelings are what make us human. They are the source of our strength, not a conduit of weakness. Our feelings give incredibly valuable information about the people, places and situations we are interacting with.

Take this information and turn it inward. What are your feelings telling you about YOU? Are you with those who align with your values? Are you playing the victim? Are you fearful about being or speaking your truth?

Never, ever, expect others to conform and accommodate you! Never, ever, conform or accommodate others in a way that is a betrayal of self. A willingness to change, to make different choices, to examine beliefs, definitions, and assumptions, to compromise is NOT a betrayal of self. It is the very basis for the process of self-discovery! It is the fodder for expansions in conscious awareness.

Begin to see what was previously defined as a mistake as a beautiful opportunity to try, to create something new. If it doesn’t feel right, try something different. Keep what fits, discard what doesn’t. The more consciousness and awareness expand, the more the self expands. As the self expands, life, opportunities, abundance, joy and love all expand with it.

It is all YOU….. Absolutely EVERYTHING you experience is YOU!
It is all FROM you….. it is all TO you….. it is all FOR you.

 

Wishing you each joyful and loving journeys,

Amina Deb

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